Menopause Made Me Hate My Husband

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Discover how menopause wreaked havoc on my marriage for three years, leading to emotional turmoil, physical changes, and mental health struggles. A personal story for women experiencing menopause, offering hope and healing.

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I Coundn’t Stand Him Sleeping Soundly

It was 2:00 a.m., and I was awake, as usual. The house was quiet except for the gentle sound of my husband’s snoring beside me. He slept like a baby, completely unaware of the storm raging inside me. My skin was slick with sweat, and the sheets clung to me uncomfortably. It felt as though a furnace had been lit under my skin, and I couldn’t escape it. I wanted to push him off the bed, or at the very least, demand how he could sleep so peacefully when my world felt like it was falling apart. 

I wasn’t always this way. I used to cherish our quiet nights together, the simple intimacy of being close. But menopause had come crashing into my life, and it felt like I had become someone I didn’t even recognize. For three long years, I resented my husband for everything—his presence, his touch, his calm. It was as if my love for him had been swallowed whole by this monster called menopause.

The Sudden Shift

It didn’t happen all at once. At first, it was small things—a little irritability here, a sleepless night there. I’d snap at him for leaving his shoes out, or for not making the bed, but it was manageable. Then came the hot flashes. At first, I thought it was a temporary phase, something that would pass after a few weeks. But weeks turned into months, and then the symptoms started piling up. I’d go from burning up one minute to freezing the next. Every night I would wake up drenched in sweat, my hair stuck to my forehead, my nightgown soaked. And he—he’d sleep right through it.

I started resenting him, not just for sleeping so soundly while I suffered, but for his whole existence. Everything he did irritated me. The way he breathed, the way he ate, even the way he tried to help. I didn’t want him near me, and I certainly didn’t want him to touch me. At night, I would inch as far away from him as possible on the bed, desperate for space. His attempts at affection, once comforting, now made my skin crawl. And what made it worse was that he couldn’t understand what was happening to me.

He tried, bless him, but how could he possibly know? I barely understood it myself. I started to think I was going crazy.

I Was Going Crazy

Menopause didn’t just rob me of sleep or intimacy; it took over my mind. My moods were unpredictable. One minute, I’d be on edge, snapping at anyone who dared to speak to me, and the next, I’d be crying uncontrollably. It was as if my emotions were on a rollercoaster, and I had no control over the ride. The worst part was that no one seemed to see it. On the outside, I looked fine. I kept up appearances for the most part—running my small business, taking care of the house—but inside, I was falling apart.

READ: Hot Flashes: 5 Free Tips for Menopausal Women

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My employees started noticing my irritability. I ran a tight ship, but during that period, my patience ran thin. I’d snap at the smallest mistakes, and I could see the tension building between us. I could sense their dread when I walked into the room. Even I hated being around myself. I was on edge constantly, waiting for the next hot flash, the next mood swing. 

There were times when I thought I was losing my mind. My body felt alien to me, my thoughts were erratic, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt at peace. I used to be confident, in control, but menopause had reduced me to a shell of the woman I once was.

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My Body Changed So Much

As if the emotional turmoil wasn’t enough, my body decided to add insult to injury. My joints ached as if I had aged decades overnight. I’d wake up with pain in my knees, my hips, my back. I went to the doctor more times than I could count, convinced there was something seriously wrong with me. But every scan came back clean. They told me it was all part of the process, that this was normal. Normal? How could they say that when I felt like my body was betraying me?

I couldn’t even look in the mirror without feeling a pang of sadness. My body had changed so much. My shape was different, my skin was different, everything was different. I felt like a stranger in my own skin, and that only deepened my resentment toward my husband. He was still the same, but I wasn’t. And I couldn’t stand it.

I Couldn’t Take It Anymore

I’ll never forget the night we had the fight. It had been three years of pent-up frustration and resentment, and I finally exploded. It wasn’t even about anything significant—he’d forgotten to pick up milk on his way home. But that tiny, insignificant detail sent me over the edge.

I yelled at him, told him how much I hated him, how I didn’t want him near me anymore. I told him he didn’t understand what I was going through and that he never would. He stood there, stunned, and for the first time in years, I saw him break. He didn’t yell back, didn’t argue. He just stood there, hurt written all over his face. And that’s when it hit me—menopause wasn’t just tearing me apart; it was tearing us apart. I was pushing away the one person who had always been there for me.

Menopause Wasn’t Something I Could Fight On My Own Anymore

The next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. He’d gone to stay with a friend for a while, and I knew I had crossed a line. In those quiet, lonely moments, I realized I needed help. Menopause wasn’t something I could fight on my own anymore. I reached out to my doctor, talked about hormone therapy, and started seeing a therapist. It wasn’t an overnight fix, but it was a step in the right direction.

I also opened up to my husband. I told him everything—the anger, the confusion, the sadness. For the first time in a long time, I let him in, and to my surprise, he didn’t hold any of it against me. He listened, really listened. And slowly, we began to rebuild what menopause had nearly destroyed.

A Message Of Hope

To every woman out there going through this—know that you are not alone. Menopause can make you feel like you’re losing yourself, like you’re losing everything. But you’re not. It’s a phase, a difficult, life-altering phase, but it will pass. Get the help you need, talk to the people who love you, and don’t be afraid to take control of your health, your mind, and your body.

Yes, menopause nearly tore my marriage apart, but it didn’t win. And neither will it win over you.